Ok, so we all know that when you're pregnant you're very emotional. And for me, even before I was pregnant I was very emotional. Now I'm like 10x more emotional. I get the most weirdest mood swings. Like one moment, I am so tired - then I mad and upset.
And I must add there are a lot of times where I feel like I'm all alone. Although, I most certainly am not all alone. I know I am loved by my family and especially my husband. But though all of the emotions and hormones going through my body. I cry. I can't help but cry. I know I am not alone in this. haha. I get so upset at James so many times but when I see him, it's like I forget about it... sometimes.
I even wake up with the weirdest dreams, getting upset at James. Because I have like nightmares of James cheating on me or even loving another woman. I even had a dream he forgot about me and dated someone else, while we have a daughter! So I asked my doctor why do I have all of these weird dreams and even really scary nightmares, it's because of my blood pressure sometimes or it could just be the hormones. Which I know my husband won't cheat on me or even think about it. Because, I trust him and we've been through so much for him to do such thing. I know I won't ever cheat on him. It's just the weird dreams I have. And the hormones. I love pregnancy, a lot I just don't like the emotional roller coaster. haha.
I hear a lot of women warn me about the hormones and all. I just get so emotional. Like I cry with the littlest things. I guess you can say, I just want some affection - especially towards my husband. I must admit I do feel unpretty sometimes. Since I'm breaking out and I seem to tip everything over with my belly. Now let me ask, do you feel unpretty sometimes and want some affection from your husband? I mean I want to feel loved and have the feeling I am wanted when he's around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those girls who demands certain things. It's mostly because, he's going to leave to boot camp soon (
He's in the Army.) And I know I won't see him for a couple months. I just want to create some memories together with our daughter, before he goes. I know he says that's just the way he is. But I'm so emotional and I just want some TLC. It feels like when he says a certain thing like he'll be here early, he seems to come like hours later. Or he just stays at home play video games all day. When I am here wanting him. It's wrong of me, I suppose.
It feels like it's a chore for him to hold me at night or let alone come visit me. I know he has a lot of things to do and he's still young. He could be out with his friends or even be playing video games (
which I don't mind, really except when he plays for hours!) But he comes here and it sometimes it feels like he doesn't want to be here. Because he always has to drive here and leave in the morning. Even sleep on a cot. I know he loves me and everything. I just wish I don't feel this way. :(
I don't want him to feel like it's a chore to spend time with me or even talk to our daughter. Which he rarely does now. Everytime he comes, he just goes on the laptop and watch tv. It's like there isn't any time to talk anymore. And whenever I talk it's like I'm talking to myself sometimes. Maybe it's just the hormones...
Oh what am I saying. I love James and my daughter Cora so much. I love my big pregnant belly.
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