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Wednesday, 01 October 2008

  • Hormones

    Ok, so we all know that when you're pregnant you're very emotional. And for me, even before I was pregnant I was very emotional. Now I'm like 10x more emotional. I get the most weirdest mood swings. Like one moment, I am so tired - then I mad and upset.

    And I must add there are a lot of times where I feel like I'm all alone. Although, I most certainly am not all alone. I know I am loved by my family and especially my husband. But though all of the emotions and hormones going through my body. I cry. I can't help but cry. I know I am not alone in this. haha. I get so upset at James so many times but when I see him, it's like I forget about it... sometimes.

    I even wake up with the weirdest dreams, getting upset at James. Because I have like nightmares of James cheating on me or even loving another woman. I even had a dream he forgot about me and dated someone else, while we have a daughter! So I asked my doctor why do I have all of these weird dreams and even really scary nightmares, it's because of my blood pressure sometimes or it could just be the hormones. Which I know my husband won't cheat on me or even think about it. Because, I trust him and we've been through so much for him to do such thing. I know I won't ever cheat on him. It's just the weird dreams I have. And the hormones. I love pregnancy, a lot I just don't like the emotional roller coaster. haha.

    I hear a lot of women warn me about the hormones and all. I just get so emotional. Like I cry with the littlest things. I guess you can say, I just want some affection - especially towards my husband. I must admit I do feel unpretty sometimes. Since I'm breaking out and I seem to tip everything over with my belly. Now let me ask, do you feel unpretty sometimes and want some affection from your husband? I mean I want to feel loved and have the feeling I am wanted when he's around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those girls who demands certain things. It's mostly because, he's going to leave to boot camp soon (He's in the Army.) And I know I won't see him for a couple months. I just want to create some memories together with our daughter, before he goes. I know he says that's just the way he is. But I'm so emotional and I just want some TLC. It feels like when he says a certain thing like he'll be here early, he seems to come like hours later. Or he just stays at home play video games all day. When I am here wanting him. It's wrong of me, I suppose.

    It feels like it's a chore for him to hold me at night or let alone come visit me. I know he has a lot of things to do and he's still young. He could be out with his friends or even be playing video games (which I don't mind, really except when he plays for hours!) But he comes here and it sometimes it feels like he doesn't want to be here. Because he always has to drive here and leave in the morning. Even sleep on a cot. I know he loves me and everything. I just wish I don't feel this way. :(

    I don't want him to feel like it's a chore to spend time with me or even talk to our daughter. Which he rarely does now. Everytime he comes, he just goes on the laptop and watch tv. It's like there isn't any time to talk anymore. And whenever I talk it's like I'm talking to myself sometimes. Maybe it's just the hormones...


    Oh what am I saying. I love James and my daughter Cora so much. I love my big pregnant belly.

Monday, 29 September 2008

  • Gloomy day!

    Last night, I kept waking up - not because I couldn't sleep, because Cora kept kicking me. But I eventually fell asleep, holding James' hand. I miss everything about him! But for some reason, I felt sad last night - I was with the one I love - but my hormones took it's toll. I was scared I won't be a good mother, I just broke down and cried. I asked him will I be a good mother. And he said I'll be the best mom in the world. I know he's right but I just felt sad. But of course 5 minutes later I was okay. haha.

    Other than that, we woke up like around 8:00. The nurse came in, telling me that I'll be taking an ultrasound today to see how Cora is progressing. So they came late of course, they came like at 9. And we didn't get working until like 9:15 then it was over at 10:30. And boy was I hungry! I didn't even get to eat breakfast. haha. But I did get to after. :) The nurse told me that, Cora's head is down now. So that's a good thing - there is a possibility I won't have a c-section.

    I finally finished the book my aunt got for me. It's a really good book. It's by Nicholas Sparks - At First Sight. It's pretty interesting. Made me cry at the end, trust me I'm even more emotional now. I was really emotional before pregnancy but I'm 10 x more sensitive now. haha

    I'll update this later, but for now I am going to take a little nap or something. :)

Sunday, 28 September 2008

  • It's Sunday

    Wow. It's already Sunday! I am now 28 weeks and almost to my 7th month of pregnancy. It is pretty amazing really. Time goes by really fast. It was so funny, because right when the doctor walked in - he was clapping and saying congratulations. I was like I'm having the baby now? He was noo, you're 28 weeks now! Almost 7 months.

    So he explained to me about c-section and everything that she is breached. Which means the baby is side ways and most likely a c-section will be best.

    I didn't really do much this morning, ate breakfast - watched a little tv and everything, read my book. Then all of a sudden as I was laying here on my hospital bed - James comes out and grabs my butt. It made me scream! I almost cried, I haven't seen my husband in like 3 days, I missed him! He brought me pizza and ice cream - just what I've been craving. :)

    So we ate pizza a little and eventually cuddled together on my bed, then led to more fondling! Who am I to blame? My hormones are raging! haha. I needed it, even if it was just a little taste of my husband. haha. So we fell asleep afterwards and my goodness, were we tired. Right when his head hit the pillow - he was snoring like crazy. haha. I think that's what I missed. The cuddling and his snoring. He was so affectionate the whole day and night. Kept kissing me and saying I love you. I love him too.

    I guess it was a good thing that we haven't seen each other in a couple days, since I know me being in the hospital can bring a lot of stress to him. But in other words, I missed him terribly. Like I did not want to be apart from him. What so ever. So before we took a nap my parents, brothers and sisters came to surprise me. Which I might add was a very good surprise alright. :) haha.

    They brought me some dim sum. Mmm I love dim sum. It's a chinese breakfast kind of thing. I love it! haha. Then everyone eventually left and we where left together, alone. It was a very good day yesterday. I saw the people I love the most and especially my James. My heart literally jumped out of my chest when I saw him. The way his eyes lit up and the way he just smiled right when I saw him, was so amazing. It felt like when we first just met. There is so much love in the air. And the way he held my stomache and spoke to Cora. It gets me so excited, I can't wait to see her and tell her the story of how her father and I met. It's going to be so fun.

Saturday, 27 September 2008

  • Blessed.

    Being here in the hospital for 2 weeks now has made me feel lonely yet wanted. It's a strange thing, I suppose. I mean I'm here for the health of my daughter and my own. So I shouldn't really be complaining and yet I do. Why you ask? Because it's the loneliness and of being here all alone most of the time really gets to you. The internet and television gets boring. Especially when you can't go outside to breathe the fresh air or even have the suns ray hit your skin. I'm a California girl, I love being out doors. It's something I have to get used to, for the time being.

    I mean after all, I have my family come and visit me all the time. Especially, today! I was so surprised... that my relatives that live about an hour and a half away from me, actually made it down here to visit me. It meant so much to me, I almost cried. The fact that they all drove down here to see how I am doing and to make me smile and laugh. Makes me feel so blessed, to have them in my life.

    We have so many pregnant women in our family now. My aunt is totally estatic that her daughter, which is my cousin is pregnant too. She's due in May. While my aunt Vanessa and I are due like two weeks apart. Dang! I just love having a big family. :) It's kind of funny, because my Aunt Nancy had my cousin Risela then my other cousin Leigh then my mom had two boys. Now it's kind of like that, 26 years later! haha. My brother has a baby boy, my aunt Vanessa and I are having a girl. I wonder what Risela is having. Everyone is speculating it's a boy. So who knows! :D

    Other than that, about thirty minutes after my family left - my parents came! I was totally thrilled to see them. :) My little sister and big brother came too. I know I just saw them like Thursday night - but it feels like it's been weeks. It felt good to lay in bed with my mom just talking about what we're going to do when Cora is here. And of course my dad fell asleep on the chair which he said is comfortable and good for sleeping. But I highly doubt it's good for sleeping! haha. So they stayed for about an hour or two, then they left.

    After I took a nap which I might add felt real good. :) Then took a shower and everything. Cora moves like crazy now. More than a month ago. Not only because I'm getting bigger it's totally amazing! I feel more like a woman, being pregnant. It's such a beautiful thing. Except for the mood swings sometimes and frequent urination and headaches. But other than that it's amazing! :)

    To have a human being growing inside of you and she just makes me feel so happy. Knowing that I have someone depending on me for the first 9 months until she graduates college. I never would've thought experiencing pregnancy could be such a beautiful thing. I so cannot wait until she is old enough to bake with me.

    James and I talked about everything that we'll be doing with her. To guide her into the right direction, to treat her the way we wanted to be treated when we where young and never stop believing in her. Because, honesty I know when I was a child there was a lot going on with finances and such. I don't want my daughter to be surrounded by that. I want her to know that people around her love her and care so much for her. Oh pregnancy is such a beautiful and amazing thing to experience.

    And I have my wonderful husband to thank. For giving me the best gift of all, our daughter. We talked about getting married and settling down when we first met. Though the way we first met and all the situations that happened between us, we fell in love, got married, and having a baby. It's not a fairy tale, we've had our shares of arguments, disagreements, and laughter. But nonetheless, I wouldn't have it any other way.

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corasmommy

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    • Name: Dianne
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    • Member Since: 9/27/2008

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About Me

  • I'm a girly-girl living in Southern California with my amazing Husband. Loves being a wife and a mommy to be. Our daughter is due in December. Gotta love the beach, chocolate, traveling, jamba juice, dessert, dressing up, summer nights, the holiday season, a good book. I am no where close to a vegetarian. I love meat, having a steak for dinner is what I love the most. I am really a nice girl, it doesn't take much to make me smile or laugh, but it takes a lot to get me upset. I am caring, thoughtful, shy, funny, real - trust me. :) I haven't had a journal in a long time. So I am going to try to write this on a daily basis. I'll mostly be talking about pregnancy, my daughter, my family - because it's the most important thing in my life right now.

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